I'm supposed to be cleaning, but I'd rather be writing fanfiction about my life. Here's me as a comedian in Texas! It's actually not funny, but you might enjoy the stereotypes, stemming from how unfunny I think female comedians are, and how pretentious it is to be called a "Comedienne," because I just hate that.

NICOLE BECOMES A TEXAS COMEDIAN:
Comedian: You know what I hate? GUYS!
Audience: Yeah! Woohoo, I hear that!
Comedian: Thank you! Goodnight!
Announcer: Our next act is Nicole Bluth, a self described wannabe Victoria Jackson... and a... Am I reading this right? Jewish Texan.
Nicole: How you doing tonight? You know what I love? GUYS!
Audience: Boo! Not another hetero! Get off the stage and quit judging us, you disgusting hetero!
Nicole: (Crying) I didn't ask to be different! I didn't come here to defend my sexual preferences, I just happen to like men, okay? I said it, I'm heterosexual. Get over it.
Audience: Bring back Ellen! We want Ellen! (Chanting) ELLEN! ELLEN! ELLEN!
(First comedian runs back on)
Comedian: They always leave the seat up! And they can't ask for directions! And they love the Spice and Spike channels, they hog the remote! And they gel their hair!
Audience: That's what I'm talking 'bout!
Adam Carolla: Even though you did shoot me, Nicole, I couldn't live with myself if I let you die here, at the hands of these raging, humorless lifeforms!
Nicole: Why are you wearing a cape? And are those women's panties on your head?
Adam: I don't know, you're the one who thought this outfit up.
Nicole: (Laughing) They're pink, and silky!
Audience (Taking note of man's presence): A man! I bet he gels his hair! Shoot him!
Nicole: Oh please. It's not like you just happen to have a gun on hand.
Audience: (Draws pistol and shoots Adam) This is Texas! You know how we do.
Nicole: Oh Jesus! Stick to one stereotype, please!
(Runs out of bar screaming her lungs off.)
Nicole: That was a good diversion. Maybe I was wrong about Adam.
(In the distance, the sounds of angry male bashing and crazed laughter can be heard.)
Nicole: Naw, I don't think so.

So... That's my life as a comedian. Leave me comments or I'll hunt you down. Tune in next time I'm supposed to be cleaning my room, to find out what happens to poor Mr. Carolla! In the hospital. I'm not giving anything away, but I will tell you there's some amusing confusion involving another male comedian!

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