It was my first day of school today. It was just like in those movies with the ugly awkwards who're like, ugly... Except I looked totally hot in my "I (heart) Carbs," Paul Frank food pyramid shirt. Anyway, it was really awkward. Everybody hangs out in their little groupings of what schools they came from, you know? But I was trying hard to branch out... I met a really nice girl from Star of The Sea, Bianca. She's the only one from there, and we talked. It was cool, especially this morning, because when I had exhausted my chitchatting capabilities, I was like, "I have nothing left to say. I'm not very good at this." And she was all, "These mingling things are so forced. I'm all for standing here with you and being quiet." So we stood there quietly being happy to have another friend who was tired of talking. It sounds like we looked like loners, but it was actually my best moment all day. Being quiet with her was cool.
The day started with mingliciousness in the parlorish room. I talked to a bunch of girls, and a hippie, sans gun. Then we all went into the church and sat in the pews and this totally rad lady handed out packs of gum, and chocolate, and gave us cool cotton backpacks with hearts all over them. Then she gave out our pretty new planners with the uniform rules in them. What are the odds (1 in 8) that "Stevenson" would be called first? I got mine before anyone else. She handed me one and said "Now you give one and ask that person a question." and she called like 4 more people to do the same thing. Again: What are the odds (1 in 8) that I'd get my awesome new friend Bianca? Lucky me. Then she wanted us to scream and applaud for the principal, so she had me cough as the signal when he walked in. He was like, "What the fuck?" but not in so many words. In the middle of all the blah blah blah I looked up and saw Jesus looking down on me, and in my head I said "Jesus Howard Christ heard everything last night! Oh no!" and "No, that's a squirrel!" I had to laugh so unfreakingbelievably bad!
Some parts of my day made me sad, though. Every time somebody said, "Cool shirt," I had to work not to laugh, because I REALLY wanted to yell "I HAART CAAHBS! PAATAATAHS HAVE CAAHBS!" which are seemingly random phrases, but if you get it, it's quite funny. Or when someone said something, a group of girls were like, "OOOOOOOH..." and I REALLY wanted to yell, "OOOOOH, YOU GOT SERVED!... LIKE TWO FAT CHICKS IN A SWEATAH!"
For lunch the nice senior girls took groups of people where they wanted to go. I took a trip to Jamba and got a good lime smoothie. Again, I wanted to yell, "I LOVE JUICE!" or better yet, "I HAART JUICE, RETAAAHD!" And the best thing all day: The principal says, "Welcome to the new auditorium!" and I start holding back laughter, because in my head, I've added, "BITCHES!"
Okay, there's a better part, the very best ever: This girl I met says, "My sister goes here too, she's a senior. She's the one over there in the 'Sleeping Beauty' shirt."
HELLO, "SLEEPING BEAUTY!"
And I kept seeing people everywhere that weren't there. I saw Frog by the bay window, Rachel in the auditorium and the courtyard, everybody everywhere. So that made me want to sing this Colin Ray song, which is right up Betsy's alley, which again, makes me sad.
After lunch, they decided to have this dance competition, but nobody but Piper got into it. It would be the perfect time to showcase my random spirit, except nobody cared because they were all busy not caring, so I decided against it. So after some more blah about schedules and "the simple steps towards reconfiguration of student scheduling," they gave us red shirts that say "Got Heart?" (Again: Got haart, retaard?) and white hats and dance in weird, soul-train lines. It had the potential to be cool, except I'm not comfortable enough with these people to completely let go and spontaniously embarrass myself like I can for my Ho's, so when it was my turn, like everyone else, I was like, "ta-da, bye" and kicked one foot in the air in a lame tribute to clining onto inhibitions. And what could be worse than being average and completely unable to stand out? Having to do it again in a sequined hat on Wedensday evening, that's what, you paataatah head! Got a permit to ask stupid questions like that?
And the woman who's running it says, "Decorate those hats, ladies! You've got spare time, summer's still here! No excuses, I know The O.C. doesn't air again until November!!!" (Can I get an ADdict???)
And we played that bingo that says stuff like, "Has broken a bone," and "Plays a musical instrument," and you go find someone who's done that thing, and one of them is "Watches The O.C." and all the girls get distracted and clump together to talk about it! And I'm like, "Annyong, any of you douche bags watch The A.D.?" Just a little bit of background: "Douche bags" is not a bad thing, it's merely stupidity on the part of Buster. Oh, and Tobias. You know what? Whatev! This is so unbelievably dissapointingly un-Degrassilicious. I can't find a single person of a comprabley bizzare sense of humor. (On that note: Last nights rerun of A.D. contained the quote on Frog's blog: "ILLUSIONS, dad! You don't have my illusions." followed by, "tricks are something whores do for money... Or candy." So you know what, mis beetchisimas? I want to bring you all to the parental pep rally Wedensday night, with your faces painted red and white, with old emptied beer cans you've filled with whaddah, so you can watch as I become... average. It's not a glamorous life, anymore, amigas. I have to do my kick and get off stage. I guess I'll eventually find some randoms I like, some Office Space/A.D/Garth Brooks/Colonial House/Shmexer fans and some O.C./Rick Moranis/Egg sandwich loathesters. But when I do, I'm coming out of my quiet shell. 10.00$ says that Bianca knows who Garth Brooks is. TTYL.
And we played that bingo that says stuff like, "Has broken a bone," and "Plays a musical instrument," and you go find someone who's done that thing, and one of them is "Watches The O.C." and all the girls get distracted and clump together to talk about it! And I'm like, "Annyong, any of you douche bags watch The A.D.?" Just a little bit of background: "Douche bags" is not a bad thing, it's merely stupidity on the part of Buster. Oh, and Tobias.
You know what? Whatev! This is so unbelievably dissapointingly un-Degrassilicious. I can't find a single person of a comprabley bizzare sense of humor. (On that note: Last nights rerun of A.D. contained the quote on Frog's blog: "ILLUSIONS, dad! You don't have my illusions." followed by, "tricks are something whores do for money... Or candy."
So you know what, mis beetchisimas? I want to bring you all to the parental pep rally Wedensday night, with your faces painted red and white, with old emptied beer cans you've filled with whaddah, so you can watch as I become... average. It's not a glamorous life, anymore, amigas. I have to do my kick and get off stage.
I guess I'll eventually find some randoms I like, some Office Space/A.D/Garth Brooks/Colonial House/Shmexer fans and some O.C./Rick Moranis/Egg sandwich loathesters. But when I do, I'm coming out of my quiet shell.
10.00$ says that Bianca knows who Garth Brooks is.
TTYL.

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